Day 5 - On Struggle & Solitude

No journey is difficult. Is living difficult? Because if it is difficult, then the result is certain---which is go to the highest mountain and jump off. If you can't handle living, there are no drugs in the world that are going to cure you. If you're feeling depressed, then get undepressed.

Our struggles are not outside of us, they are in us. Our struggle with our spouses, jobs, kids, they are all within us. And it's not that you choose that you want to be one thing or the other--it's already been decided for you.

Pessimistic view, pessimistic thought, pessimistic outcome.

If you can't cheer yourself up, who will? If you don't love yourself, who will? If you don't understand yourself, who will?

Solitude on this cycling journey, being alone, being on a mountain, and moving forward, I don't see cars, trucks, anything. I realize how alone one is.

Alone is not lonely. Alone is just you with yourself.

When you learn--and it can only be for a moment--when you learn that you are vulnerable, that you are not in control, you will be able to see the images of you.

One of the things that I have seen are these trucks. Not one, but many trucks, pass by. I have two feet pedaling, and I realize that I am not in charge. If it ends for me there, it ends for me there.

And so, in whose hands am I? In those of the men and women who drive these trucks and cars? Because clearly I am not in control.

This is the solitude that I'm talking about.

You can't live remembering everything, or putting things into practice. It's just not the way life is lived. The moment it enters your mind, it's already recorded. Why do you want to live life practicing something you already know? Why not live what you don't know? Or what's unknown? Let yourself go, live, be free of fear.

And move closer to yourself--to knowing me, the ego.

Every moment is question...

Is there anything wrong with helping others? What is right about helping others? Perhaps people do not want help. Maybe people do not want change. Who am I to think people need help? Am I selfish for thinking of myself?

It may make me feel good, happy, content when I help another human being. I think it is a natural thing to do. Helping another human being who may or may not need help is what nature intended for me.

Life does not offer answers, it offers questions. Living does not not offer misery, it offers hope, dreams, and miracles. When you live questioning yourself, you'll come to an understanding that in order to help others, you must first help yourself. And my question remains. Am I selfish for thinking of others like me? Life is a risk. You are not in control. For me, personally, if life were not a risk, what would be the point of living?

So, in answer to some people's question about why I'm doing this cross-country bike tour. I guess it's for the risk, and the hope to help others. But truly, the destination is in every moment. And every moment is question.